Written by Sean McPheat |
Now that we’re all busy beavering away as though Christmas and our New Year celebrations never existed it’s important that you know exactly how to muck it all up in 2009!
I thought I’d let you the rules and approach that you should take to guarantee that you achieve nothing in 2009…
1. Don’t Set Goals
Start the year with no direction and no goals of what you want and just drift along like normal.
2. Listen To The Gloom Mongers
Wallow in your own self pity and get caught up with all of the excuses of the credit crunch and blame that for any bad luck that you get
3. If At First You Don’t Succeed…give up
When the going gets tough just throw in the towel, it’s a lot easier than fighting back
4. Do Your Own Thing
Forget what your prospects and customers want. What do they know?! Just do your own thing without understanding their needs
5. Hire Useless People
Why would you want to hire the best people? They know it all, want £50k a year and are a real pain in the ass! Instead, hire numbskulls who know jack and you can be guaranteed that they’ll muck everything up for you
6. Being Fat Is Great!
Forget about doing things slicker, better, quicker and more efficiently. “Fat is the new thin” make sure that you’re overstaffed, pay over the odds and don’t shop around for supplier alternatives
7. Half Of My Efforts Are Wasted – I Just Don’t Know Which Half!
Don’t bother measuring what you do. Don’t analyse your figures and just keep on churning out the numbers without looking up from the trenches
8. Talking Is Over Rated
Why make sure that you’ve got clear communication lines in place when everyone has got email? I mean, what’s the point in talking when you can just ping emails to each other all day long.
9. Busy, Busy, Busy
Don’t delegate any tasks, make sure you do as much as you can as often as you can. It’s much better to feel stressed out all of the time and that you look busy. Never walk around with nothing in your hand – always carry a piece of paper, it makes you look far busier.
10. Gear Up For 2010
Half way through the year put any major projects “on hold” or recap your strategy in lieu of another year being just around the corner when you can carry out steps 1-10 all over again
Of course, you could always do the complete opposite and become a raving success but I’ll leave it up to you…
Have a great year!!!
Originally published: 15 January, 2009